Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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