he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
