I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
