I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
