someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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