Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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