well I can't set my house on fire every night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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