We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
