idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize