he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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