Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
