I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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