I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
