I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
