I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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