He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
