There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
