I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize