So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
