the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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