addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
