On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
