This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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