i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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