Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
