is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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