I'm really into asian looking animals
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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