He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
