I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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