I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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