Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
