worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
