Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
