i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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