well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
