I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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