Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just pee around me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
