don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
