If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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