College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
