I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
