I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If that was your dad, he is hot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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