You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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