i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
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just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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