Umm I'm too high to move.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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