Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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