my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
