Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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