I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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