Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he thought i was a dude.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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