she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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