i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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