just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
