I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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