somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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