I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have post one night stand depression
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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