you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
And then he peed in my hair
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