What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
