she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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