he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't deserve a penis
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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