my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
