I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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