I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
