i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
