I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
