is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Shame is for Republicans.
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