I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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