There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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