he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
