Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
