____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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