she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
