Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
