Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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