I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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