just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
