I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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